I do the cooking and cleaning.

My step Dad has been sick.

IM taking over the cooking. and cleaning.

Ive made all sorts of meals/

sketti, chicken, chili, meatloaf, eggs, sandwiches, soup, turtilini, pizzas…….

Im enjoying cooking.

I Do the dishes, laundry, trash, tidying.

IM very proud of myself.

I am also getting worn out.

I am on call 24/7.

I still volunter at the Library.

I also go to a day program.

We pray, sing and do devotionals.

We do craftssss. walk paint nails, watch movies

Nice meals.

I enjoy myself.

I feel helpful.

Did I do Drugs? Or was i mis understood.

When I was in HS, I was labled as a STONER>

I NEVER EVER did drugs.

I Did hear voices though. I guess that I was just mistaken for drugs, hallusinations.

I have parnoid schizophrenia.

I was diagnosed age 16.

I missed out of fun HS parties.

I was locked in the psych ward, MANY times! Over 23 admitions.

I HATE psych wards.

Freedom is taken away.

I gained weight from meds that made me hungry.

Soon all that fit were jammies.

I was on an OREO diet.

I had issues with laughing at things thatweerent funny.

LAUGHED A LOT.

I peed my pants quite a few times.

my emotions were wacked.

I often tried to escape psych wards.

Caught.

REstrant.

I HATE Being restraint.

I was tied to the bed 2 times and to a chair 6 times.

bruises from thrashing.

totally destroyed me.

I lost trust in staff.

So i tried to eat lotion to kill myself.

Diarreia.

When i got DC everytime I was fine.

But months later, another addmition.

I was very aggivated.

I cut.

I threw up my meals.

I lost weight.

Then i was on a new med.

Lithium.

My face broke out a LOT>
I was SO ugly adn embarressed.

I couldnt look anyone in the eye.

i scrubbed my face but lithium is salt based. It causes blemishes.

Anyways.

Its been SIX years since being admitted.

SO PROUD HOW WELL I AM DOING!

BIrthday Goals.

My 38th birthday is September 23rd.

I cant wait!

I get to spend a night and Day with JUST my Dad and I. At Cape Cod.

We will walk the ocean shore and collect shells.

Go to breakfast and mini golf.

Icecream and manicures.

SO FUN>
THen I will spend my actual bday with Mom adn step DAd.

Nice dinner and cake.

A week before my Bday, My friend Krys and I will exhange gifts.

I hope its a great year.

I hope to NEVER go to the psych ward again.

NO new meds.

I wanna lose 30 lbs.

I wanna make new friends.

I wana get back into arts and crafts.

I wanna try diffrent hair styles.

I wanna organize my clothes and toss old.

I wanna collect Hello Kitty merch.

I Wanna talk better.

I wana start foster care research.

I make up my words.

I have been being bullied at my Day PRogram.

A kid named A, said I was ugly. He would never date me cuz i drool.

(I drool a LOT from the heavy meds I take for Schizophrenia)

One guy said I have fat legs.

One girl said I looked pregnant.

Another guy stole candy from my purse.

It hurts.

I know I drool.

Its extremley embaressing.

My shirt is always wet.

My Dad gets mad when I drool and slur my words.

SORRY

My step DAd cant hear one word I Say.

ANNOYING!

I know i talk too fast.

I slur.

I Make up words.

Id like to speak any way I want with out being judged.

Purosose.

I am in love.

PAITENTLY Waiting for a purposal.

My BF TOm, wants to surprise me with something romantic.

He is going to use my Mom’s Opal ring that was once hers, for my engagment ring.

Waiting.

I enjoy going to my BF”s apartment.

I feel like a wife, cleaning and dishes.

We share a bed like a married couple.

Even though people frown on that.

Hey, I am an adult. Im 37.

I Can do whatever I want.

Tom is the best thing that happened to me.

I Have changed a lot, for the better.

We like to talk and cuddle, play games and cook.

Watch THe Middle adn FRIENDS.

I Couldnt be happier!

Seizure. Rotting Brain.

I know there is something wrong with my brain.

I Had a seizure last year.

Since then, I am sesitvice to light.

FLashing lights, bright lights.

My brain races.

Myhands dont work.

I count.

I get confused daily.

I feel my brain is rotting.

My eyes keep crossing.

I Have blurry vision.

SO SCARY
WHat is going on?????

I need an MRI.

I Cancled one, cuz i wias scared of the results

But i gotta figure this out.

IM scared I will die.

Dead hand.

So i am having issues getting dressed lately

my legs shake and cant get them in the hole.

When I go to the bathroom, my left hand cant pull up my pants.

It feels inviisble.

I Said it many times. My left hand was chopped off in the ER.

NO BLOOD.

Since then, i have been dealing with a dead hand.

I cant type good.

Its very odd.

She cut then cried FICTIONAL poem.

She cut then cried. Why oh why?

Depressed, no?

Why the pain though.

She lay as she bled, too too much.

body cold to the touch.

On her way to heaven she went.

Parents finding her dead in the AM.

What did they do wrong?

at the funaral they sung.

The song she listed a million times, in the psych ward.

Saddest thing she ever heard.

Talked about suicide and cutting.

A bad influence yes.

It gave her to time to rest.

She was dead the Dr said

Could not be saved.

Now burying her body.

More tears came.

Was this all just a game?

Suisude is NO joke.

U do it, you croak.

She called HELP.

I WANNA DIE she screamed under her blankets in the psych ward.

She hiccuped as she cried.

Nobody came. No staff.

Sam bit her wrist.

Little bit of blood raised to the surface of her skin.

She used her finger to wipe the words, HELP on her walls.

She shook her head back and forth.

FINALLY, checks.

“Checks” Elle said.

“I need help”Sam said angrily.

“Whats wrong LOve?”

Sam sobbed.

Elle hugged her tightly.

Thats what she needed. SO love.

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