Wearing headphones to quiet the voices in my HEAD>

They thought head phones would help with hearing voices.

No.

I was in a day program at a psych ward.

I heard voices 24.7

I was in my own little world.

I ripped out my hair

Paced.

Puked.

Cut//

Lissa put head phones on my head.

Freaked me out.

MORE VOICES< TOO MUCH!

SO I took them off.

I peeled wallpaper off the wall and ate it.

I burned my hand on the heater.

I hid under a desk.

EVERY DAY- 8 am to 3 pm.

It sucked

I Needed more help.

So I got admitted into in paitent.

I kept seeing bubbles on the wall and nails.

Worst 3 months of my life.

I stare at the SPIRITS!

I see Spirits.

I Cant relate with anyone.

Seems like I am the only person I know who hallucinates daily, seeing DEAD PEOPLE>

I Cant describe them. They are just, there.

THey like hanging in my room.

Making it hard to sleep.

When I am in the car, I stare at those spirits.

I focus.

Mind clear.

They ask inappropriate questions.

About my sex life.

i feel SO weird.

Stupid hands that arent mine.

The spirits, even, don’t believe my hand was cut off.

NOBDY DOes!
Im alone here.

OCD? Schizophrenia? IDK!

It sucks!

Parent’s 30th Anniversary!

So. Yesterday was Mom and bob’s 30th anniversary.

Bob is in ICU.

Mom and I celebrated ourselves.

I have know Bob since I was 6. I am 37.

He is an AMAZING Step DAd.

He is SO loving, caring.

Bob has had a hard life. SO has mom.

bob had a heart attack, diabeties

heart failure, mercer

Mom had to go through a divorce with my Dad and lose of a baby. My sister Valerie died age 2.

THey both have to deal with the fact, me, their daughter has mental illnesses,

THey treat me with support and dont blame me for being the way I am.

HAPPY Anniversary Mom and bob!!!

Doing well.

I am feeling good today.

Despite my step Dad being in ICU< I am being positive!
Mom and I are getting along.

Cook together, she dyed my hair, watch FRIENDS. Watched Christmas movies.

Sleeping well.

Like, NO voices.

Minimal coutning.

I feel i dont need a med change.

Next week, I Have a 8:30 pm MRI.

SCARED

I had one before.

LOUD>

I Had anxiety.

Plus I gotta take out my piercings.

Two nose, two brows, ear and belly button.

I dont want them to close.

nervous.

Overall, doing well.

Insane in the membrane.

The Orson Family. Meet the Orson Family.

The Orson Family.

Raymond Orson. Age 44. Works as a chef at a Nursing Home.

Crooked smile. DArk brown shaggy hair. Once stepped on a rusty nail, got infected. Raymond loves his pet dog, mittens. He lives on a farm with 23 chickens, 3 goats and a pig. each chicken has its own name

Lisa Orson. Age 43. Blond hair with three pink streaks.

Loves to write. Once guest starred on The Ellen Show.

Lived in a shelter when she was 12.

Jessica. Age 15 legally blind. two long braids. Loves to swim. Played in the special olympics.

Watches FRIENDS all the time, wants a pet unicorn

Abby. Age 7. MIssing four front teeth. Scar on her finger where a Dog bit her.

Has high cholesterol and anima. Picky eater.

Family enjoys canoeing in the lake and fishing.

Once caught a 14 lb fish!

Cooked it and the family got food poisoned the next day!

Half Baked, pranks.

I was in 10th grade.

A boy asked me to the School’s Winter Ball.

I was psyched.

I went shopping with my cousin and bought a red dress.

Net day at school, that boy’s GIRLFRIEND, said it was a joke.

He doesnt like you, she said. At all.

I was embarrassed and sad.

I ran to the bathrooms shower stall.

I CUT.

I hated him!

I hated her!

I ended up skipping the dance.

Walking down halls avoiding eye contact.

People spreading rumors.

I took pills. A girl gave them to me.

Did nothing, was hoping for a buzz.

I laughed.

A LOT>

C said I was half baked.

I was SO upset.

HS sucked!

Jump Naked.

“Take off your clothes” Nurse Jane demanded.

I stood in the bathroom shaking.

I slowly took off my clothing.

Dropped them on the floor.

I stood there naked.

“Jump”

I jumped.

Tears ran down my cheeks.

“GET dressed and come with me”

I got dressed.

Jane led me to the nurse in the psych ward.

They took my blood and BP.

I was shown my room.

SMALL> I could touch side walls same time.

I sat on the bed. It was hard and had a broken spring.

I hugged my legs and cried.

Jane shut my door.

I glanced at the walls.

Swears covered.

It was dinner time.

THe paitents and I went to the cafeteria.

I grabbed a tray and got in line.

meatloaf, tatoes and corn.

After we got back to the ward, I went to the bathroom to puke.

A private moment.

I couldn’t sleep that night.

Girls screamed and fought1 and sweared.

My eyes were droopy the next morning.

After breakfast, we had group.

We got journals and pencils.

WAAANNA HEAR MORE? COMMENT BELOW.

NOT SUICIDAL?

I wanna cry.

Side effects of some of my meds, are suicidal thoughts or actions.

IM SCARED.

Lately i think I need a med change.

Im scared of new or foregn side effects.

I don’t want to die!

I fear death daily.

Think of it. I could DIE, TOMORROW>

Freaks me out.

I pray, but God is not answering my prayers.

I cant write I feel suicidal here on my BLog/

I may concern viewers.

Cuz I am not. Yet…

I NEED ATTENTION!

I never was good at asking for help.

I used to be WAY OUT THERE.

In the psych ward, I wanted to tell staff how bad I was doing.

Words. I didn’t have them.

so I cut to get attention.

I sat in the dining room, on a red chair using a plastic knife to SLICE my belly.

SLICE< ONE TWO THREE FOUR, blood over the floor.

Dripping blood where are U staff??

I can only handle SO much.

Nobody found me.

I went to bed with a bleeding belly.

I never got caught.

I was sad.

DId they even care?

I started to hate myself.

I was now addicted to pain.

It felt SO good.

I couldnt talk to anybody.

No parents.

No friends.

No teachers.

No staff

No therapist.

I havent cut in awhile.

To be honest, I miss it.